Forum Rules

[Susannah]

Forum Rules of Conduct


The rules of this site are designed to protect the members and staff of Christian Survivors. We welcome you if you are honestly seeking to work on survivor issues in your life, and are willing to act within our rules when participating on our boards! At CS, our staff consistently work on the boards to maintain security and peace. We will always try to find a way to work through any problems with a member, before resorting to actions such as restricting access, or terminating a user account.


However, please understand that we will not tolerate trouble making, spamming, gossip, prejudice, manipulation, abusive or aggressive behaviour, or 'preaching'. Serious or repeated breaking of the rules will not be tolerated in any circumstances. This policy and the following rules are here so that CS can be a positive and healing place for everyone to be!


Please note that in order to help ensure the safety of all the members of the forum, we have in operation a three strikes policy.


On the first offense of a serious breach of the rules, (or after repeated breach of more minor rules, despite staff intervention), members will receive a formal warning. Second, they will be placed on 'probation' - meaning a diminishing of forum privileges such as access, & private messaging. On the third warning, our admin will have no alternative but to ban the offending member from CS forums on a permanent basis. Should such a decision have to be made, reasons will always be clearly given, and a 'right to reply' will be given to that member, either via the 'Member Concerns & Resolution' forum, or by email.


Although we have the three strikes policy in place, our administration does reserve the right to instantly ban members in the case of a serious breach of rules, or where a serious conflict, harassment, or blatant abuse of any staff or member, or other safety issue is raised.


It is also important for members to be aware that our staff have a policy of accountability to one another, as protection for themselves, and the members they work with. If you discuss your situation, in private, with a member of staff, they may speak with other more senior staff about it, as a point of help or advice for them. These discussions are kept strictly confidential and you will be kept anonymous where possible!



Thank you, in advance, for keeping to these rules, and thus respecting our staff & members!



Regarding copyright on CSF


All information on this website and on the forum belongs to CSM. (Unless otherwise stated) Permission must be requested in order to use it in any way. In circumstances where we find copyright has been infringed upon, we are willing to take relevant legal actions to resolve the situation.

All posts written in the forum area of CS are owned by their authors, and are not to be used for any form of research, or shown to non forum members, unless permission is gained first.

All contact from researchers regarding use of posts must come through the administrators of the forum, at which point they may or may not set up contact with relevant posters, if the permission of those members is granted.




Please note that in order to help insure the safety of all the members of the forum, we have in operation a three strikes policy.
On the first offense of breaking the rules, members will receive a warning. Second, they will be placed on probation - meaning a diminishing of forum privileges such as access, & private messaging. Third, staff will have no alternative but to ban the offending member from CS forums on a permanent basis.


It is also important for members to be aware that our staff have a policy of accountability to one another, as protection for themselves, and the members they work with. If you discuss your situation, in private, with a member of staff, they may speak with other trusted staff about it as a point of help for them. These discussions are strictly confidential and you will be kept anonymous where possible!




General Rules

1. Please be courteous, kind, and respectful to other members on the forum. Name-calling, abusive behaviour, gossip, & and harassment of any type will not be tolerated. All our members are survivors of abuse, who could be severely injured by your words! Always try to treat others as you would like to be treated! If you find you have any problems with another member, please contact our Senior Staff using the Member Concerns & Resolution forum, and we can try to help to resolve the problems.
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2. All of our staff are survivors of abuse also, and each of them do an extremely hard and demanding job, giving many hours of time and energy to keep the forum running, and safe ... and they deserve to be shown respect! It hurts us when forum members are rude, abusive, insulting, or inpatient with us - and makes it much, much tougher to do our jobs. Sadly, staff abuse is something that has been happening more and more often, and as a result, we have put in place a Zero Tolerance rule in order to protect our staff!
   
   
   We do appreciate that it can be difficult for members when our staff intervene on any aspect of their posting or membership, and that many survivors also have triggers, insecurities, and issues associated with leadership. However, these issues do not make it appropriate, or ok, for members to behave badly towards our staff. We would encourage members to try to seperate their triggers from what is actually happening on the forum, and to take responsibility for their own behaviour even when they are triggered for any reason. No member of staff would ever purposefully upset, hurt, or trigger any member of this forum - they are here to help you, and to keep the forum safe! They are simply enforcing the rules of the forum, which apply to every member.
   
   
   Due to the increase of abusive, rude & and hurtful behaviour towards staff, any such acting out will be viewed extremely seriously. On a first offence, the member in question will be placed immediately into the three strikes system, and continued behaviour will therefore result in the loss of your membership at CS. Please remember also that we reserve the right to ban a member instantly in a serious case of aggressive or abusive behaviour towards staff. (We do not want you to have to leave the forum, so please don't put us in that position!)
   
   
   Rather than lash out at staff members, we ask that if you have a concern, complaint, or a problem with a member of staff, or an issue with the way the forum is run, that you please use the confidential 'Member Concerns & Resolution' forum located in 'Fragile Hearts', to (politely!) contact the administrators concerning this. (Only the admin, senior staff, and the thread authors are able to view each thread, making the forum completely safe) There is no need for aggression in such situations - we will be happy to listen to and deal with any problems you are having, as long as you remain calm and polite. Please do not post an aggrieved, argumentative or dissenting thread on the open forum, as it will be removed. Posting such things only causes uneccessary stress, hurt, and worry for other members and staff alike!
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3. If you want to post a message that may be potentially triggering, or upsetting, please be thoughtful and post it in the relevant "trigger" folder.
   
   
   We don't advocate the use of spoilers here but, trigger warnings in the title of a post are very useful. In certain situations, staff may edit a thread to add spoilers for everyone's safety - particularly if a thread changes in theme or severity of triggers as it goes along. This is not a reflection on you, just a safety precaution. Remember also, the trigger forums are there for a reason! Please use them for threads that are likely to be quite 'heavy' in nature! If you are posting a thread which may be triggering, please use a descriptive title. (for example, add *SA details* to the title of a thread which contains details of sexual abuse) - The importance of this is that it enables other members to self care ... choosing to read only the threads which are safe for them.
   
   
   As a general rule of thumb, we would say that if a post is stronger or more graphic in content than most of the posts in that forum, then it should be trigger warned. (If it is usual for that forum - for example, a post about emotions after abuse, in rainy days - then it needs no trigger warning because it is already in the appropriate forum!)
   
   
   Above all, we expect that each member acts responsibly in the forum! You know better than we could whether certain types of posts would be more triggering to you than others ... so we ask that you moderate yourself in these matters, and avoid threads which may trigger you! For more information on trigger warnings, and how to use our trigger forums, please see the 'guidelines on posting graphic or triggering posts', located within each public trigger forum, and the 'Everything you Need to Know About CS' forum.
   
   
   If you have littles .. please ensure that they are always supervised and safe when reading on the forum!!!! Obviously, because littles are just kids, there are things on the main forum that are simply not appropriate or safe for them to be reading. It is very comparable to having our own 'outside' children on the forum - it just wouldn't be appropriate for them to be reading in many areas ... you would want to monitor and screen what they had access to. We feel that littles both need & deserve this same level of care! You can find more detailed information regarding our DID posting guidelines, and the safety measures we have in place for inside kids, in the 'Everything you Need to Know' forum.
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4. Please remember, many people who visit this site are in need of support, a listening ear, and kindness. Please treat them as you would like to be treated yourself! Christian Survivors is based around a philosophy of mutual care and support. The staff are here to supervise, and to provide safety and leadership - not to provide all of the support! ...CS has a very large amount of members, and can only work if all those members pull together to support one another! ...Even just a short reply to other members posts, so that they know that they are being heard, can go a long way towards helping them!
   
   
   Please also remember that it won't help a person if you go off topic in a thread they have started to ask for support - Please just be sensitive and begin your own thread to talk about anything sparked off by the other members thread! If you post in that way in someone else's thread, you run the risk of your post being edited or removed altogether.
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5. Please do NOT post suicide notes (or posts which could be interpreted as suicidal) on the forum!! This is behaviour which is incredibly damaging to other members, and to the staff, as there is little we can do to help in that situation! If you DO feel suicidal, please please contact a real life therapist, counsellor or support helpline. (there are a number of relevant helplines listed in our resources section.) We DO care about you, but are simply ill-equipped to deal with such a situation. If you post such a note you could unfortunately be subject to immediate removal from the forum!!
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6. If a member announces that they are leaving the forum, or taking an extended break, their status will automatically be set to 'inactive', and they will lose private forum access. If they choose to return at any time after announcing that they are leaving, they will have to start over from the point of their return and re-meet all access requirements before gaining access again.
   
   
   In addition to this, we ask that anyone who is planning to leave the forums please contact us before posting your announcement. You can do that by posting in the Member Concerns & Resolution Place forum. This is so that we are aware of the situation, and so can help the remaining members to deal with the loss. Any announcements posted before receiving a reply from us first will automatically be removed, and the member will also be set to a more strict inactive status, with less access, and no private messaging privileges.
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7. Please use only appropriate language. We are all here survivors of abuse, and we don't want to hear swearing unnecessarily. We're not saying you can never swear ... sometimes there are situations which may warrant it ... just don't do it just for the sake of it!
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8. This forum is run by a group of christians, but it is first and foremost a survivor forum - not a Christian gathering place - therefore we ask that our non-christian members, and their views and beliefs, are respected. As such, 'heavy' Christian discussion should be kept to the Christian specific forums in 'The Mercy Place'; and we would suggest that it would be wise of members to be sure of other users personal boundaries regarding God and Christianity before posting 'God-stuff' to them! Many of our members (Christians included!) can be very triggered by religious or spiritual discussions or information, due to past abuses and experiences, hence the need to be sensitive to the individuals needs. In addition, any prejudices shown towards anyone of any beliefs - either publically or privately - will not be tolerated. You can read more about our Spiritual Content guidelines on the 'Everything you Need to Know About CS' forum.
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9. We would ask that members refrain from gossipping about other users, staff, or about the forum itself. Gossip can cause major rifts in both personal relationships, and in the running of the forum - and is simply not worth the risk of hurting people! Any member found to be gossiping either publically or privately (particularly if in a malicious manner!) will be approached by the admin, and will be subject to being placed on probation, or to losing their membership altogether. You can read a full version of our gossip guidelines in the 'Everything you Need to Know About CS' forum.
   
   
   If you see a post that worries you, or a member approaches you attempting to gossip about another member, or about the staff or forum, please consider letting us know, so that we can help you resolve the issue, and protect other members from the same problem. Just drop us a line in the private 'Member Concerns and Resolution' Forum, where only Senior Staff members will be able to view your post, or contact any member of the senior staff team by pm or email.
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10. Please take care to keep confidentiality here! Anything spoken within these 'four walls' should not be taken outside! Similarly, please take care not to bring problems or gossip from other forums to CS, as this can only cause disruption and unrest.
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11. Please do NOT participate on the boards if you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Apart from the possible embarrassment doing this might cause you, we also have many members who are triggered by alcohol and drugs, and the affects of them. If you do happen to participate in this state your posts will be removed and staff will contact you with a formal warning. Continued breaking of this rule could result in losing your membership.
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12. Please respect our members personal boundaries, especially in male / female relationships!
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13. Please use care regarding recommending medications, whether over the counter, herbal, or otherwise, to other members. Different people react differently to different medications. There is always the chance for allergic reactions or drug interactions when mixing even what appears to be a simple herb with medications that someone is already taking, and this could be dangerous. For this reason, such suggestions will automatically be removed from the forum for safety reasons.
    
    
    Our suggestion is that one always speak with their own personal doctor about the options available for them, and always talk to them before following through with any suggestion that might have worked for someone else.
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14. Any member appearing to have joined for the sole purpose of posting spam, or advertising of any kind, will be subject to automatic and immediate banning. If any member would like to promote their own ministry or published works, it is essential that they gain permission from Senior Staff before doing so or their posts will be removed.
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15. Please take care to keep confidentiality here! Anything spoken within these 'four walls' should not be taken outside! Similarly, please take care not to bring problems or gossip from other forums to CS, as this can only cause further disruption.
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16. It is inevitible with a membership so large, that serious illness and loss will affect our membership at some point. Unfortunately, given the online venue, there have been several circumstances where people have lied about being seriously ill, and even faked death. While we certainly want to support our members in every way possible, we feel that we need to find a balance between support for those who may be ill, and protection of our membership from those who may not be honest.
    
    In order to keep everyone safe, and support those who need it, we do require verification of serious and possibly terminal illness before anyone posts about it on the forum. If you are seriously ill and need support, please contact our senior staff team (via the member concerns forum) for information on the process used for verification. Any such posting without this verification will be automatically removed.

Posting Rules

• Create new threads in the most appropriate forum for the topic. Create the threads with clear, descriptive topic titles, indicative of the content within. When posting in another members thread, please keep to the topic of the thread as much as possible.
• Signatures should be no more than 3 inches in height, and should include no more than 8 lines of text. Image files should be no larger than 12kb. Sound wavs, offensive language, and any quotes or pictures that could be triggering, are not permitted. Signatures should not make threads scroll horizontally on a 800 x 600 resolution screen.
• Please remember that if you have too many PMs stored, you will not be able to receive any incoming PMs. Please keep your total amount of PMs to a minimum, allowing the mods & other members to PM you when needed. (Note - you will need to clear out your 'sent' box, too!)
• When posting any articles or resources, always include a link to the site that it was taken from (Be sure to gain Senior Staff Permission). Copying portions of text from other websites is infringing copyright laws and could result in this site being closed down!!
• Spamming isn't encouraged here, as it only succeeds in making the board load slower for everyone! Please try not to do it!
  
  Spamming includes any post that is made solely to increase your post count – such as only posting smilies, one or two word posts, or just generally posting a reply when one is not required. Needlessly posting in the same thread twice in a row is also considered spam. (Double posts will be automatically merged.)
• Please do not post links to websites without written approval from a member of the senior staff here. This is because we would want to vet those sites to ensure that they were safe for our members. If you want to post a link, even for copyright purposes, just post in the 'Member Concerns' forum, so we can check it out.
• Please do not post photographs or links to photographs on the forum without permission. Before posting any photograph, please put it in the member concerns forum to be reviewed for approval.
• Please do not post politically leaning posts, or other posts that may encourage political debate, as those topics are not appropriate for CS forums.
• Board avatars, signatures, and all other graphics are copyrighted by the artists, so please don't take them for use elsewhere!!!

[Susannah]

Guidelines on posting graphic or triggering material

What are triggers and why does CS have guidelines about posting triggering material on the forum?

Christian Survivors is a forum set up for the support of survivors of abuse. All our members here have distressing stories and experiences which need telling. Naturally, due to these experiences, many of our members have 'post traumatic stress disorder', or other similar anxiety related disorders.

A 'trigger' could be described as a 'reminder' of the abuse a survivor has suffered. Triggers can cause many different reactions in a survivor of abuse, from sadness to severe flashbacks or panic attacks. Sometimes, reading other peoples stories can cause a member here to be reminded of their own abuse, which can set off these types of reactions.

Due to this, we have a system in place here at CS to allow members to self care when reading on the forums, and to enable them to avoid such triggers when & if they need to. We want all our members to feel able to tell their stories here, and to be heard & to gain support whilst doing so - but we want them to be safe too!! The following guidelines are set out for the safety of all our members, and we ask that all members here make themselves aware of these guidelines, and follow them whilst posting on the forums.

Guidelines for posting graphic or potentially triggering material

We do things a little differently from some other survivor forums when it comes to posting messages of potentially triggering content. We don’t generally advocate the use of spoilers. (This means inserting an asterix into a word, such as r*pe) Rather, we ask that members follow the guidelines laid down in this thread, which enable people to be self caring in what they read on these forums.

If you need to talk about memories or dreams on the forums, we would encourage you to talk about/work through the issues raised by such events, rather than the details of the event themselves. This is because posting the details is just so intense for the online environment.

We have found over the years here that such posting can be quite counterproductive to the member posting, and triggering for other members & staff reading the thread. This results in both problems for the triggered members, and (as a result of this) less support for the member seeking help. It can also cause the member posting such material to become overwhelmingly triggered/affected by the memory, which when they are alone/without support in real life, can be very dangerous.

• Trigger warnings in the title of a thread are very useful. You can use the abbreviations posted at the bottom of this post to label your thread titles. For example: *trigger warning – SA content* would mean that there is talk of sexual abuse within a thread. This enables other members to clearly see if a thread may be triggering for them, based on their own history - giving them a way to make an informed choice whether to read the thread. You can also add a trigger warning into a post which is particularly triggering.
  
  As a general rule of thumb, we would say that if a post is stronger or more graphic in content than most of the posts in a particular forum, then it should be trigger warned - & it is always a good idea to have clear thread titles portraying the topic of the thread. If a thread hasn't been appropriately labelled in this way, or the content becomes more triggering as the conversation progresses, staff may add a warning into the title. This is not a reprimand, just a way of keeping all our members safe!
• We have many different forums within CS, some covering specific topics, and others more generalised. We ask that you try to choose the most appropriate forum for each of your discussions. You can see a list of all these forums and their access requirements on our website.
  
  In particular, we do have several public access trigger forums. These are detailed below.
  
  
  The Public Trigger Forums
  • Cloudy Days:
    
    This is our ‘first line’ trigger forum. It is a place to talk about some of the milder things that we are struggling with. For example, if you’re having a bad day and just need to vent or be heard… Cloudy Days is the place to do that. Posts in this forum should not be at all graphic.
  • Rainy Days:
    
    This forum is a step up from Cloudy Days. If you want to start a thread to discuss your abuse issues in more depth, this is the place to do so. It’s okay to go into some detail in this forum, but please be sensible – very graphic content is not appropriate.
  • Stormy Days:
    
    This is the top-level public trigger forum. Posts that go into more detail about your abuse experiences or issues, and that are more graphic, should be posted here. If you think your thread is likely to contain material that is potentially very triggering to other members please use this forum. Please also choose a title for your thread that indicates what type of abuse the thread covers.
    
    **Note: The Stormy Days forum is only accessible to those that have reached Regular Member status. Registered members become Regular members after posting 50 or more posts during their first 2 months of membership on the forum.
    
    Please be aware that the Cloudy, Rainy, & Stormy Days forums are used very much in conjunction with one another. If a thread becomes more triggering as it continues, (as is often the case) it may be moved between the forums by the staff members. If this happens to your thread, it doesn’t mean that you have done anything wrong – but just that we are helping people to self care, by appropriately placing such threads. If your thread is moved, you should receive a pm giving you the threads location.
• Posts containing 'Adult' Content ie: graphic and/or frank discussions on sexual issues, need to be posted in the Adults Only forum. (There is an 8 week waiting period for access to this forum.)
• Please do NOT post suicide notes, or anything which could sound like you might kill or harm yourself! (This includes not putting such content in private messages.) This can be incredibly upsetting & damaging to people ... and our staff are *not* here in the role of counsellor or therapist. If you post such a note it will be deleted from the forum, and you will run the risk of losing your account here. If you DO feel suicidal, please, please contact a real life counsellor or support helpline.
• Please use only appropriate language. This is a forum for survivors of abuse, and we don't want to hear swearing unnecessarily. We aren't asking you to never swear, but please don’t do it just for the sake of it!
• Please be aware that some members, for example, the survivors of ritual abuse, can find ‘God talk’ very triggering, so we would ask you to title threads appropriately, when they involve discussions about God. Due to the triggering nature of such topics, we ask all members to be aware of peoples individual boundaries. Some members here will find it helpful to hear scripture, or christian beliefs posted in response to them, whereas other members would simply find it triggering or insensitive. If you are unsure of someones boundaries we suggest that you post to them to ask ... & that unless you are sure of that members boundaries, that you avoid replying to someone with such things. You can read more about this in the 'Spiritual & Religious Content Guidelines' thread in the 'Everything you need to know about CS' forum.
• If you want to discuss something, but are not sure where to post, or whether it is appropriate, please feel free to post in our 'Member Concerns' forum, where the senior staff will be happy to help you.
• Above all, we expect each member to act responsibly on the forum! You know better than we could whether certain types of posts would be more triggering to you than others... so we ask that you moderate yourself. i.e. - don't read anything that may upset you!

__________________


Here are some trigger warning abbreviations that you will see around the forum and that you should use if your post needs it :


TW- Trigger warning (some say MT for might trigger, but that is not standard)
SA- Sexual abuse or Rape
RA/SRA- Ritual abuse/s*tan*c ritual abuse
SI/SH- Self injury/Self harm
DV/DA- Domestic violence/Domestic abuse
PA- Physical abuse
SSA- Same sex attraction
ED- Eating disorder
EA- Emotional abuse

[Susannah]

Spiritual/Religious Content Guidelines

Christian Survivors is run by a group of Christians, but it is first and foremost a survivor forum, not a Christian gathering place. We believe that every survivor deserves support and compassion, no matter what their background, experience or faith.

In line with this, we ask that all our members and their views and beliefs are respected, and that all our members try to be sensitive to others needs and boundaries.

Many of our members (Christians included!) can be very triggered by religious or spiritual discussions or information, which is one of the reasons these rules have been created. Sadly, there are many abusers in the world who use religion, spirituality, and even God in their abuse. This can create very strong and damaging emotional responses and triggers in the victims of this sort of abuse.

As such, 'heavy' Christian discussion should be kept to the Christian specific forums (The Mercy Place); and we ask that members be sure of each other's personal boundaries regarding God and Christianity before posting 'God-stuff' to them!

These rules are not intended to make Christians feel that they cannot be openly Christian on this forum. There are areas provided on the forum to discuss spiritual or God-related issues & discussions, making room for the Christians here to openly discuss their faith. We simply ask that this is done within the appropriate forums (The Mercy Place), and within certain boundaries set down for the safety of others. These rules are merely a way to ensure that all our members feel safe, validated, and respected.



Please use the following points to guide you when considering starting, or posting in, threads containing spiritual content, and also to determine if a thread or post is safe for you to read.

• Please don't bring up God or post spiritual content in people's threads unless a) they have posted spiritual content themselves and have specified that they wish to continue such a discussion; or b) you or another member have asked their permission, within that thread. If you're ever unsure, please ask the thread starter.
• If you are the 'owner' of a thread and you would like to have that kind of discussion, please try to make that clear so that other members know your boundaries. (Likewise, if you don't want to have that kind of discussion, it's okay to say so.)
• If another member asks you if it's okay for them to post spiritual content in your thread, please be very clear in your response. Using the trigger warning guidelines below, please say what level of content you are okay with. If you do not want that input do not be afraid to set a boundary by saying 'No thanks'.
• If another member posts something that you are not comfortable with, we would encourage you to use the 'report a post' function. This allows our staff to quickly identify a potential problem and respond to it. You can find out more about using this function in the Everything you need to know about CS forum.
• Please be aware that just because you know someone is a christian (even a strong Christian) does not mean that they are comfortable with strong "god talk". Also, these comfort zones may change from day to day, so please take care when posting to others on the forum, and never make assumptions regarding what they may be ok with. It is better to ask too often, than not enough!
• Please use the following trigger warning guidelines when posting spiritual content:
  • Spiritual Content: - includes no scripture references, but may have some discussion of God.
  • Moderate Spiritual Content: - contains scripture references, and/or a fair amount of 'God talk'.
  • Strong Spiritual Content: - contains a lot of scripture references, and/or post/thread content is based or focussed on issues to do with God or other spiritual issues. The spiritual content is not just an aspect of the discussion, it is the focus of it.
• Please do not discuss any religious rituals in detail, as this content can be particularly triggering for members who are survivors of ritual abuse, potentially causing severe panic attacks & flashbacks. Should such content be posted on the forum, it will be removed, for the safety of others. There are further details regarding this further in this post.
• If you personally find discussion of a spiritual or religious nature triggering, please do watch out for spiritual content trigger warnings, and give yourself permission to not read those threads/posts. Whilst our staff work hard to keep the content on Christian Survivors safe, we expect our members to take responsibility for themselves when reading on the forums. You know best what kind of material is triggering to you, so we ask that you moderate yourself.
• Please be aware that it is just as important to follow these guidelines when communicating through our Private Messaging system and in Emails!

Posting Guidelines for Discussing Ritual Abuse, & RA Triggering Content


For safety reasons, it is the goal of CS to keep all forum discussions positively focused towards problem solving and validation through the positive sharing of individual experiences and knowledge.

For these reasons, no graphic or detailed discussion and/or descriptions of any past or present abuse and/or any harming behaviors towards oneself or others is allowed to be discussed on any forum at CS, as it can be extremely triggering for other members.

It is particularly important that at no time are cult words or rituals to be mentioned as this is very dangerous to both you and other members. Any such material being posted on the forums will be removed immediately and your access could be put into jeopardy.

Rather, it is the policy of this forum that such intense & triggering topics and issues should be discussed with each individual's therapist, as that is a safe and controllable environment, in which you can be supported through any triggers/flashbacks which may occur.

We appreciate your understanding in making this a safe place for all survivors!

[Emily]

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