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    Bouncing Around

    Hello Friends,

    So, I had a really good day today. It feels great to be able to say this. I haven't been able to say this for some 6 years now.

    I titled this post bouncing around because, as I'm sure many of you know, I will likely be bouncing around between Sunny Spot and Cloudy Days for some length of time. I know that healing comes in waves or spirals, so I'm bracing for the next round. But today, today is a good day!

    It seems to me like when I am in my cloudy days, I can easily come up with many details to write about in an effort to express my misery. LOL. I just laughed at myself in typing that.

    Conversely, it seems like when I am having a good day, I find it difficult to pinpoint all the details. Maybe this is because it's been so long since I've experienced good days that I am so enthralled with feeling good that I don't take the time to notice the details.

    Maybe if I spend half the time analyzing and describing my Sunny Days as I do the Cloudy Days, this will benefit my recovery. I will give it a shot anyhow.

    Today I felt comfortable in my own skin. I could actually talk to people this morning and carry on a meaningful conversation with them. My mind was not racing. My body was not telling me, "Get out of here! Go home and feel safe again!" I was at ease and aloof. This is what I consider feeling "normal."

    My mind was clear, not foggy. My thoughts were orderly. I didn't sense any shame, guilt, or feeling of being "dirty" or "less than." I just felt like another decent human being interacting with others. This was likely the highlight of my entire day!

    There were little twinges of "ugh" trying to sneak in here and there throughout my day, but I was able to ignore them and let them pass by.

    I enjoyed the beauty of creation. The sound of raindrops on my roof was pleasing instead of producing an irritating sensation of actually being able to feel the sound of them on my skin. (I get so hypervigilant that I "feel" sounds. It is quite annoying to say the least!)

    I listened to and enjoyed some Christmas music in my car. That was liberating. In my past experience such music was "evil." It's nice to be able to enjoy some of the simple things in life.

    Right now, I am enjoying a cup of herbal night time tea. It floral and aromatic. I put some brown sugar in it so it is also a bit sweet. It is very pleasant and soothing.

    I spent some time with my mom today as well. It was nice to be able to sit and talk with her for an extended chat. We have some differences of opinion, always have had, but that didn't bother me today. I loved her just the way she is with her differences. She loved me the same. (We always do love each other well, but sometimes when I am triggered, it is very challenging for me to not be negatively impacted by our differences.)

    Today filled me with hope that there will be more days in the future in which I can function as a "normal" free-spirited human being who actually enjoys the gift of life. I can actually look forward to a time when such days will be the norm again. On this earth, bad days will never be a thing of the past, but they at least won't be the all-consuming and debilitating unrelenting misery of my existence.

    I am thankful.

    I hope you all have a lovely evening and that you find many days like the day I experienced today.

    Sweet dreams,
    Woodsy

    #2
    Sounds like many signs of overcoming wrapped into one day! It's great to hear that you felt so clear-minded, that your senses were alive, that you felt good in your skin and that the gathering was companionable. Having the smoother visit with your mom sounds very encouraging, as well. Hope many more such days are on the horizon for you, Woodsy.
    Catie

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      #3
      Thank you, Catie. I appreciate your reply! I hope you have a great night. I will be sure to share both the Sunny Spots and the Cloudy days as time goes by. I suppose, soon I will begin reading more of other folks posts and encouraging them as well. That is, after all, something I enjoy doing.

      Take care and have a lovely evening.
      Woodsy

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        #4
        I happy for you, sounds like a nice 'normal' day. I think it's funny sometimes when things have been so difficult for so long how nice just a regular day can be.
        Moonflower

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          #5
          Moonflower, you are so very correct! After spending much time in the throws of what I hestitate to call merely "depression" (since it seems so much more severe than this word conveys), "normal" days seem like Heaven on earth! Such experiences certainly have a way of teaching us to be thankful for the little things, things we all too easily take for granted when life is going well.

          I am having another good day today. I hope you are too!
          Woodsy

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